


Suddenly

by madsmeetsmisha



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Best Friends, Bisexual Dean Winchester, Coming Out, Dean Winchester in Denial, Friends to Lovers, Hurt Castiel, Jealous Castiel, Jealous Dean Winchester, Jealousy, M/M, Minor Balthazar/Castiel (Supernatural), Minor Lisa Braeden/Dean Winchester, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Openly Gay Castiel (Supernatural), Roommates, Sexuality Crisis, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-05
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:20:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25089085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madsmeetsmisha/pseuds/madsmeetsmisha
Summary: Castiel's little car accident caused Meg to tell Dean about Castiel's feelings for him. It's a disaster for Cas because his best friend is straight and has a girlfriend...
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 58
Kudos: 206





	1. Betrayed

**Author's Note:**

> I know I have a few ongoing stories but I miss Destiel! So I decided to start this little fic here. I hope you enjoy!

"Oh, God no! Please tell me this isn't true, Meg," Castiel begged in shock.

His friend didn't look guilty in the least. Determinedly she stared at him.

"Of course it's true, Clarence. Listen, I had to do something. Dean Winchester has been stomping on your emotions for years and he doesn't even know it. It's about time for a change," she explained unmoved.

Fuck! Why did she have to interfere? Wasn't it hard enough as it was? Desperately he rubbed his eyes. What should he do now? How the hell could he ever look at Dean again? Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

He took a deep breath to calm down a bit, which unfortunately didn't help at all.

"Damn it, Meg. You can't just decide things like that for me. Dean is my best friend. I don't want anything to change in our relationship. I'm gonna lose him. Can't you see that?" Cas cried desperately.

The thought of not having Dean in his life any more made him wince. Dean and he were best friends since the Winchesters moved in next door. Cas had been ten years old at the time. Dean was one year older. The only year they didn't see each other almost every day was the year when Dean went to college and Cas was still in high school. It had been the longest and most terrible year of his life. He didn't want to imagine ever being without Dean again.

"Fucking hell, Meg. I didn't want Dean to ever know how I feel about him. I don't want to lose him," he whispered with tears in his eyes.

"And I am sure you won't. Castiel, you've been best friends for 12 years. Do you really think he's gonna throw that away so easily? Never! You can blame Dean for all kinds of things, but at least he's loyal. I am really sorry, but I couldn't watch it anymore. Cas, he doesn't even know that he is hurting you just by being with Lisa," she defended herself.

"And what was the point of your stupid action? Dean is straight! And he's happy with Lisa. I wouldn't be surprised if they got married. Now that he knows how I feel about him, he will feel uncomfortable in my presence. Hell, Meg. I wish you hadn't told him. "

All of a sudden Cas felt exhausted. This was just too much. First the shocking news about Dean and Lisa moving in together, then the accident and now Meg had told Dean that Castiel was in love with him. He was afraid to go back to his apartment where Dean was waiting for him. Fuck! This wasn't fair! He couldn't lose Dean!

Maybe it would be best to lie. He could argue that Meg made a stupid joke. But he knew Dean would see right through him. His best friend knew him just too well. It was a miracle Dean never figured out Castiel's secret on his own.

"Cas, it's time for you to let go. Today could have gone worse." Meg said in a soft voice. Of course, he knew she was right. He was lucky he wasn't badly injured.

Lisa's announcement that Dean would be looking for an apartment with her this summer, had more than just shocked Cas. He and Dean had been living in the small apartment for three years and of course Cas should have known that Dean wouldn't stay in the tiny apartment with him forever after he finished college. But somehow Cas had always thought that they would look for something bigger together.

Oh, God, how could he have been so stupid? Of course Dean wanted to move in with Lisa. They were the perfect couple. Cas could imagine it so well: They would buy a house, have children, maybe a dog. . . Shit! Cas knew he had no right to be angry with Dean. It was perfectly normal that his best friend wanted to live with the love of his life. Just... couldn't Dean have at least given him a heads-up?

They were at Charlie's birthday party when Lisa announced the happy news. Everyone cheered and was happy for the couple. For Cas, it was like a punch in his stomach. It was like all the air was sucked out of his lungs. He wanted to leave as soon as possible. Unnoticed by the others, he sneaked away. It was a miracle that no one noticed him, but everyone was so busy with Dean and Lisa's news. So, fortunately, no one paid any attention to him.

Of course he knew that his disappearance would raise questions, but he would simply claim that the fact of having to find a new roommate had upset him. Even if Cas had not been hopelessly in love with Dean, the news would certainly have shocked him. So he had a right to just sneak off and be mad at Dean. So he tiptoed out of the house and drove away in his car.

The only problem had been that he wasn't able to see well because of all the tears and that he wasn't able to concentrate on the road. That was the reason why he had simply not noticed the other car. He knew, of course, that it was incredibly stupid to drive a car in his emotional state. Fortunately, he hadn't hurt anyone but himself. But it was nothing serious, only a few scratches.

However, the nurse didn't want to let him go just like that. She insisted that someone had to pick him up. So he had no choice but to call Meg. He had asked her not to tell the others what had happened, but obviously, she told Dean not only about the accident but also about Castiel's feelings for him.

Fuck! This was a nightmare!

That Dean wasn't here to get Cas, spoke volumes. Cas was lucky if his best friend wanted to talk to him at all.

Fuck!

He didn't want to think about all this now. His arm hurt and his head too and he was so very tired.

"Believe me Cas, it's better this way, even if you can't see it right now. You have to get over it. You need to put Dean out of your mind. Of course he will always be your best friend, but he never will be more,"; she said forcefully.

Although he knew that she meant well, it hurt. Tears made their way down his cheeks once more. But he knew Meg was right. How long did he want to keep this up? He had to move on! Dean was straight and in love with Lisa and he never would be interested in Cas like that!

Sadly he nodded.

"Come on, Clarence, I'll take you home," she said in a soft voice and took his hand.


	2. Worried

"Could you please stop freaking out, Dean! Meg said that nothing serious had happened to Castiel. He only got a few scratches. Can we please continue celebrating now and ... "

What the hell?

"Continue celebrating? Are you crazy? My best friend is at the hospital because you weren't able to shut up about or plans. Plans we didn't even finalize. We only talked about it. I never confirmed anything. Damn it, Lisa! I told you I would need time to think about it. You can't just say we're moving in together when I haven't even agreed to it, for Christ's sake! And even if we were going to move in together, I wanted to tell Cas myself," Dean growled.

She couldn't seriously believe that he had the nerve to continue celebrating now. Especially after Meg told him about the real reason for Cas's disappearance and the accident. But of course, Lisa didn't know about the details of Meg's phone call. Lisa had always been jealous of his relationship with Cas. She would get so mad.

Damn it! Could it really be true? Could Cas be in love with him? The idea was somehow flattering and oppressive at the same time. When Dean thought about how many times he'd made out with one of his girlfriends in front of Cas ... Jesus! He was such an asshole!

But why had Cas never said anything? How could Dean have guessed? Of course Dean knew that Cas was gay, but that didn't mean that he was interested in Dean. Fuck! Not in his wildest dreams, Dean would have considered that Cas could want more from him than just friendship. But even if Dean didn't like men like that and therefore couldn't give Cas what he wanted, it was never his intention to hurt his best friend.

If Dean had known what Cas felt for him, he would have held back. Oh God! In retrospect, it made so much sense! Fuck! Whenever Dean had wondered why Cas wasn't dating, his sad looks... Shit! How could he not have seen it?

"Now it's my fault? It's my fault that Cas sneaked out of the house and manage to bump into another car? Are you serious? It's always the same. Cas always comes first. If I didn't know you were only into women, I would advise you to break up with me and get together with him. You two really would deserve one another! I didn't know that talking about us moving in together was such a big deal! " she yelled.

He hated when she was making a scene. Why did she always have to be so fucking jealous? And why the hell did she not see that it was her mistake?

"Are seriously asking why this is a big deal for Cas? Cas is in his final college year and will have to look for a new roommate because he wouldn't be able to pay the rent on his own. That's why! " Dean was getting furious!

How could she have so little empathy? Wasn't it obvious? Damn it!Cas must have felt so betrayed. Of course he would have expected for Dean to tell him about such big news beforehand. But Dean never said yes, for fuck's sake! Lisa had simply anticipated his decision.

"It can't be so difficult to find a new roommate. Your apartment is next to the college campus. It must be easy to find someone new, " she countered.

"You don't understand ..." Dean answered.

"No, you're absolutely right, Dean, I really don't understand. Explain it to me."

With her arms crossed in front of her chest, she looked at him expectantly. Not for the first time Dean had no desire to deal with her jealous behaviour. He wanted to talk to Cas and not argue with Lisa! He wanted to know that his friend was okay. And he wanted to assure Cas that nothing was going to change between them. Even if Dean didn't love Cas like that, he would always be his friend. At least if Cas wanted that too. Fuck! What if Cas didn't want that? What if Cas wanted Dean to move out now? The idea made him shiver.

Dean had promised Meg that he wouldn't come to the hospital, but would wait for Cas at home. Although he just couldn't drive home and wait. Wouldn't Cas expect his best friend to pick him up? And also Dean wanted to prove that they were still friends and would be forever if that was something Cas wanted too. Besides, he wouldn't be able to just sit around at home and wait. What if Cas didn't want to come home because he was angry? No! Dean had to drive to the hospital and talk to him. Immediately!

To hell with Lisa and Meg! Dean would do what any best friend would do. He would pick Cas up from the hospital and take him home. And then he would take care of him and he would make sure that Cas never had to see him holding hands with Lisa again, damn it!He looked determinedly at Lisa.

"Listen, I don't have the time to explain it to you now. I'm going to pick Cas up from the hospital," Dean said.

Lisa looked at him for a long time and he already had the feeling that she wanted to argue further, but she only sighed.

"Okay, let's go. My mood is ruined anyway," she said.

What? Did she want to come with him? The idea of taking Lisa with him was nearly absurd. He wanted to be alone with Cas!

"Sorry Lisa, but I think it would be better if you'd stay at your apartment tonight," he explained.Lisa looked at him incredulously.

"Are you serious? You want ... ? Okay, suit yourself! "She said and Dean knew that she was offended but at the moment he really had other problems. 

  
He needed to see Cas .Damn it! The knowledge of how much all of this must hurt Cas was hard to bear. This stupid car accident was his fault, his and Lisas!  
Dean didn't want to think about what could have happened! Cas could have died! The thought made him sick. Dean didn't want to live in a world where Cas didn't exist. Oh God, the very idea was unbearable!

He had to see with his own eyes that Cas was fine. Within an inch, Dean was about to lose the most important person in his life! His heart skipped a beat when he realized that Cas really was the most important person in his life, next to Sam of course. Lisa wasn't even close! If Dean was honest with himself, he had to admit that he could easily imagine a life without her, but never without Cas.

  
He would have to break up with Lisa. It wasn't fair to her. Just now he realized why she was always so upset when it came to Cas. Of course she felt that Cas was more important to Dean, even if he never said it. Lisa wasn't stupid!

"I'm sorry, Lisa," he said. "I am really sorry, but I have to go now. I promise will talk tomorrow."

He just kissed her on the cheek, got his jacket and said goodbye to the others. Then he hurried to his car. He would deal with his relationship mess another time. Now he had to take care of Cas.


	3. Determined

Castiel never thought he'd want to be kept in the hospital. But that's exactly how it was! The idea of going home and facing Dean wasn't exactly tempting.

Why did Meg have to interfere? Goddammit!

Meg led him to her car, but when they were already halfway across the parking lot, Castiel suddenly heard someone calling for him.

"Cas!"

He didn't have to turn around to know it was Dean. Even though his heart started pounding like crazy, Cas was completely overwhelmed and somehow relieved that Dean had turned up at the hospital.

Maybe it wouldn't be all that bad. Maybe Cas wouldn't lose his best friend after all, even if Dean would move in with his girlfriend, even if there would never be more. The hope that he wouldn't lose Dean was infinitely relieving.

"Well then, Clarence. I think you have someone to take you home. Good luck!" Meg said and waved goodbye.

Cas stopped as if rooted to the spot and stared at Dean. It only took a few moments for the other man to approach him and to hug him.

"Never do such a thing again, you hear, never! I've almost gone mad with worry!" Dean muttered into Castiel's neck.

Cas could only return the hug timidly. Not only because he didn't know how to deal with the situation, but also because everything hurt from the accident.

"Oh shit! I'm sorry. Are you hurt?" Dean wanted to know and pulled off without letting go of Cas competely.

"It's okay. Just a few bruises. I'm going to feel sore for a few days, but I'll be ok," Cas explained and tried to smile.

Goddamn it! It would be easier if Dean would already address the big elephant in the room. Castiel just didn't know how to act around Dean now that the other man knew.

"Thank fuck it isn't anything serious!" Dean sighed.

The trip back to her apartment was mostly silent. It wasn't until they arrived in their living room and Cas sat down at the couch with a groan, that Dean started the conversation Cas had been afraid of for the last hour.

„Cas, Meg told me that you... that you are in love with me. Is it true?" he asked and looked at him.

Cas knew there was no point in denying it, so he nodded.

"How long?" Dean wanted to know.

Cas wasn't able to stifle a laugh.

"About nine years?" he whispered.

"Since. . . fuck, Cas! You've been in love with me since you were thirteen? Oh, God, when I think about all the one night stands I brought home! Jesus, I am such an asshole! Cas, why didn't you say something?" Dean said and looked at him in dismay.

Goddamn it! That was exactly why he kept it a secret! He didn't need Dean's consideration and compassion. That only made things worse!

"That's exactly why Dean! I don't want you to give up on anything because of me. You're my best friend, and I want you to be happy. I don't want to be a burden. You're supposed to live your life the way you want. I always knew you'd get married and have children. Family has always been important to you. It just hurt not to hear about you moving in with Lisa from you. But I will get over it. Believe me! It would just be nice. . . it would just be nice if we could stay friends" Cas declared.

"Of course we'll remain friends. What kind of question is that even? I wouldn't know what to do without you. Damn it, you've been the most important person besides my family for the last twelve years!" Dean insisted.

"For sure Lisa is the most important person in your life now," Cas couldn't resist to state.

"No.... it's still you," Dean confessed without looking at him and a warm feeling spread in Cas' chest.

"I realized today that I don't want to move in with Lisa. You're right, I've always wanted a family and children. But apparently not with Lisa. She took me by surprise today as much as she took you by surprise. We talked about moving in together, but we never fixed anything,"

"Dean, I don't want you to stay here because of me. I'll find a new roommate. It won't be the same, but I'll be fine," Castiel promised.

He'd manage the situation somehow. The most important thing was that he didn't completely lose Dean.

"But I don't want to move in with her. The idea of living with her fills me with fear, not joy," Dean replied.

"Did you break up?"

"More or less, yeah," Dean said.

"Oh, Dean, I'm sorry. Fuck, it's all my fault!"

"No, stop it! None of this is your fault! I'm just not ready for a solid relationship, or maybe I'm just not ready for something serious with Lisa. I don't know, and to be honest, it doesn't matter. It would be unfair not to break up with her. But it has nothing to do with you, it has to do with me. Okay?" Dean established with a stern face.

Cas nodded. Okay, if Dean said it wasn't Castiel's fault, then he believed the other man.

***

It seemed like a miracle to Cas, but Meg was right. Nothing changed after the confession incident. At least at first Cas thought so. Dean treated Cas like he did before. The only difference was that Dean had more time for him again, since Lisa and he had really broken up. And Cas really enjoyed it but after a few weeks, he noticed that there were changes in Dean's behaviour. Even if they were very subtle.

Somehow his friend no longer seemed so carefree around him. He did his workout now with the door closed, he never went around the flat without a top or only with a towel around his hips after a shower, as he did before. Sometimes he looked at Cas with a strange expression and above all, he never brought one night stands with him into the apartment again.

For Cas, that meant that Dean no longer felt completely comfortable in his presence and that hurt. Even if he could understand it because Cas was sure that Dean did it to spare his feelings. But he didn't like it at all!

That's why Cas decided to do something about it. It was time to get over his ridiculous crush on his best friend anyway. So why not live a little? And if it led Dean to realize that he could bring girls home as he used to, then all the better.

It was like a hint of fate when Meg told him one day at lunch that one of her fellow students had asked if Cas was single. It was Balthazar Roche, a British exchange student. Cas had never noticed him before, but that wasn't surprising, considering that he almost never noticed anyone except Dean.

Meg gave Balthazar Castiel's number and two days later they had their first date. Castiel intended to bring Balthazar home if he liked him. Cas was really not a blushing virgin, but he wasn't actually the type for one night stands either.

But that would change now!

Operation Save-Dean-and-Castiel's-friendship had started. Dean would soon realize that he didn't have to feel sorry for Cas.


	4. Confused

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, my sweet poor boys!

In the last few weeks, Cas often wasn't home in the evening. He came home late or he didn't come home at all. Dean told himself he didn't mind. His best friend deserved to be happy. Of course he did. But if Dean was completely honest with himself, he had to admit that he didn't like this new order of things. 

He knew he was being stupid. That was the very life he had led before his relationship with Lisa, visiting clubs or bars, drinking alcohol and having too many one-night-stands. Why would he mind if Cas wanted to live like this?  
Cas was his friend nothing more. He had no right to begrudge Cas what he wanted. Cas had confessed his love to him, but Dean had rejected him. So there was no reason to be jealous. Was he jealous? 

He was straight, for Christ's sake! At least that's what he'd been thinking all his life. But he hasn't been so sure in the last few weeks. He didn't know why he suddenly saw Cas with different eyes, but he recognized that his heart started beating faster when Cas walked through the apartment dressed in only a towel after he had a shower. And Dean suddenly had trouble not touching Cas all the time.  
At first, he dismissed the whole thing by thinking that he didn't want to raise Cas' hopes unnecessarily and that they had to find their way back to their old relationship. But that wasn't true.

At least since the night two days ago, when Cas, for the first time in all these years, had brought someone home, Dean was sure it was more to it. It was just after midnight, and Dean himself had only recently returned from a movie night with Charlie. Suddenly he heard the key in the lock of the front door. Dean was surprised and pleased that Cas was home so early, so he wanted to ask Cas if he wanted to have another beer with him. 

But when he left his room he saw that Cas wasn't alone. His friend was pushed against the wall by another man. The two were making out passionately and when Dean heard Cas moaning, he suddenly became aware of two things. For one, the sound went straight to Dean's cock. Jesus, he was hard in a millisecond. And the second thing he realized was that maybe for the very first time in his life, he felt something like jealousy. Fuck! 

Since he didn't know what to do, he sneaked back into his room and closed the door as quietly as possible. Cas and his guest were so preoccupied with themselves that they hadn't even noticed him. But the real dilemma only began afterwards. When Cas was in his room with the other man. Cas room was bordering directly on Dean's and the walls were thin. . .

He hard every single noise the couple in the other room was making.  
Oh, God, did Cas have to listen all these years when Dean had sex in his room. 

Dean didn't even want to imagine how much that must have hurt his friend. He only knew that it drove him crazy to hear Cas' moaning at the moment. However, not only because he was jealous, but also because it was impossible not to imagine what the two men were doing, how blown Cas pupils had to be, how hard his nipples, how flushed his cheeks...

Goddammit! Dean imagined Cas's hard cock, which was probably already leaking precum.

Shit! There was no way he would put on headphones now to blend out the sex noises. Dean was already too turned on. He knew it would be nearly impossible for him to look his best friend in the eye for the next days, but at the moment he didn't care. With shaky fingers, he freed his aching cock from his pyjama pants. 

Dean wondered if Cas would be top or bottom and instantly he knew that he would allow his friend to do anything to him at the moment if Cas was with him instead. He would let the other man fuck him without hesitation. Jesus, where did this thought come from? 

Dean would allow Cas to fuck him? Oh God, yes, he would. At the thought of Cas being inside of him, he nearly dropped over the edge. But he didn't want it to be over so soon. He wanted to fantasize to Cas wonderful sounds even longer, even if the excited grunts of the other man were disturbing. Dean just managed to dismiss them. 

„Fuck, you are so tight!“ Dean heard Cas whimper. 

Now he had his answer. Cas was on top. 

“Harder, harder! Please, Cas…” the other man cried and Dean could only agree. 

He would definitely have the same wish if he were the one beneath Cas. Dean reached into his bedside table drawer and took out the little bottle with lube. He'd always loved to play with his hole. Lisa didn't like it, so he saved those things for his alone time. 

He quickly lubed up two fingers and impatiently pushed them into his waiting hole. After only a few trusts, he added a third finger. He was already so close. 

Fuck! How could he ever think he was straight? The imagination that it wasn't his fingers that forcefully thrust in and out his hole, but Cas cock, was more arousing than anything he had ever experienced in his life or seen in porn.

„Touch me, Cas…“ the man in the other room moaned und Dean didn’t know if he should trust up into his fist or down onto his fingers.   
This felt so good and Cas' moans made it so much better.

“Fuck, I’m… fuuuck!” Castiel cried and this was it for Dean.

He came so hard, he nearly blacked out. He could only hope that the two men in the next room were too busy with themselves to hear him. He was sure that he had moaned Cas' name. But he was too exhausted to care right now.

Slowly, his breathing calmed down and he regained consciousness. Fuck this had been mind-blowing! Totally drained, he simply reached for a T-shirt to wipe himself clean and fell asleep a few moments later. 

When he entered the kitchen the next morning, Cas sat at the kitchen table and read the newspaper. A cup of coffee in one hand and an empty plate in front of him. 

"Good morning", Dean said and didn't dare to look Cas in the eye. 

"Good morning Dean", Cas replied. 

"There's still coffee and pancakes if you want," Cas offered.

Dean just nodded and poured a cup of black coffee into his favourite cup. For Cas' sake, he also took some pancakes and poured some maple syrup over it. Actually, he wasn't hungry. 

With the plate in one hand and the coffee in the other, he sat down in front of Cas. 

"Is your friend already gone?" Dean asked wincing inwardly. 

Damn, this was so embarrassing! He had the best orgasm of his life last night just because he was thinking about his best friend. His best friend, who sat opposite him now only in a t-shirt and boxers with adorably ruffled bed hair. Fuck! How did he never notice how beautiful Cas was?

Dean knew he should feel guilty, but all he could think about was that he wanted all his fantasies from last night in real life. 

"Oh, "Cas gasped and blushed. " You heard us. " 

"Of course I did. The walls are thin as paper", Dean replied, focusing on his pancake so he didn't have to look at Cas. 

"Dean, I'm sorry. I'm. . ." Cas mumbled.

"Cas, stop it. You don't have to apologize. I don't want to know how many times you've heard me. I should apologize to you", Dean muttered. 

The thought of how Cas must have felt hearing him having sex made him feel sick. All these years! All these years, he had hurt Cas, and he didn't even know it.

"Will it go on like this from now on?" Cas asked quietly. 

"What do you mean?" 

"Dean, you can't even look me in the eye anymore. You're avoiding to touch me. It seems... it feels like we're just roommates or acquaintances and no longer best friends. I'm. . . I'm not even sure if you really want to be my friend anymore", Cas said, and his voice sounded so desperate that it almost broke Dean's heart.


	5. Unbelieving

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know you probably thought that I would never go on with this but after the Supernatural finale, I had to go on. ^^ So yeah, blame it on the Supernatural writers, or the Spanish translators. Whatever, here we go.

Cas could feel how awkward Dean was feeling about their conversation. But they had to talk about this, otherwise, Cas would go crazy. His friend's behaviour hurt but Castiel knew that it was good that Dean knew the truth about his feelings. Even if it would eventually affect, if not destroy their friendship. 

But at least Cas now knew that he didn't have to get his hopes up. Dean was straight and the mere thought that Cas had slept with a man seemed to repulse him. 

So Cas had to man up and get over it. The sooner the better. And Balthazar was the right person for this. Cas had told Balthazar the truth. Of course, he had. And Balthazar had been okay with it. He never got tired of telling Cas how hot he was and that did wonder to Castiel's self-esteem. And the sex was good. Castiel had felt really great this morning. At least until this conversation. 

"Listen, Dean. I don't know, but maybe it would be better if I moved out. Balthazar is looking for a roommate, and. . . " Cas suggested. 

He didn't want to but maybe it would be a good way to get things back to normal. Maybe they just needed space.

"No! Dean cried and looked at him in shock. " Oh, God, no. Please, Cas..." Dean begged. 

Cas had no idea what was going on with his best friend. Of course, it had never been easy for Dean to trust strangers. So finding a new roommate really had to make him anxious. But as important as Dean was to him, Cas had to take care of his own life at the moment.

But of course, he would help Dean any way he could. After all, he hoped that in the end, they would stay friends. 

"Dean, if you want, I can help you finding a new roommate. . . " Cas suggested

„Dammit Cas, this isn’t about the apartment or a new roommate,“ Dean whined.

Cas looked at him in surprise. 

"Then what the hell is it about?" Cas wanted to know. 

Dean sighed and drove one hand through his hair. It was ridiculous how much a small gesture like this made Cas' heart hurt. He knew Dean so damn well. He knew that his friend was searching for words right now. Dammit! Why had he to fall for his best friend?

„I… Listen, Cas, I… Fuck, why is this so hard? Are you in love with Balthazar?“ Dean stuttered.

„What?“

„I just mean. . . Do you want to move in with him because you're in love with him?" Dean asked. 

"What the heck, Dean? I confessed my feelings for you only a few weeks ago. Do you really think I can just turn them off after all this time? Of course I'm not in love with Balthazar, but who knows? Maybe I'll get there one day," Cas explained much calmer than he really felt. 

Dean didn't look at him. He stared at his fingers. For a long time, he didn't say a single word and Cas didn't know whether to laugh or to cry. Was it so horrible for Dean to talk about all this? Cas was just about to get up and come to terms with the fact that he had lost Dean's friendship after all when Dean cleared his throat. 

"I don't want you to fall in love with him," he whispered. "And I don't want you to move out either. Cas please I. . . " he added and looked at Cas. with pleading eyes.

"Dean. . . "Cas sighed.

„I think I’m in love with you too, Cas,“ Dean suddenly said with a stern voice and Cas knew he had to look like a gaping fish. 

But.... WHAT? 

He couldn’t have heard that right, could he? 

Why would Dean say something like that? 

“You. . . ? What?” 

“I know I said something else a few weeks ago," Dean explained imploringly. 

“Yes, Dean you did. You made it very clear that you are not interested in more than a friendship," Cas snapped. 

What was Dean's point anyway? Frustrated, Cas got up. 

Oh God, how long had he waited to hear those words and now? Now they felt completely wrong. Why would Dean suddenly fall in love with him? That didn’t make any sense at all. Dean wasn't into men.

“At that time, I really thought that I would only love you as a friend, Cas and that there never could be more between us, but now..”, Dean explained.

Dean couldn’t be serious. How was Cas supposed to believe this?

“Okay, listen, Dean,” Cas said, massaging the bridge of his nose. 

“I know after your break-up with Lisa...“

„Cas, I love you. You have to believe me. Please,“ Dean begged.

„Dean you are straight. You never wanted to be with a man. At least that's what you told me. Why should that have changed now?" Cas wanted to know. 

"Nothing has changed, Cas. I'm still not interested in men. But I am interested in _you,_ " Dean explained. 

Cas impatiently stopped in front of Dean and grabbed him by the shoulders. He wanted to shake his friend. This was so cruel. Cas wanted this to be true. He wanted it so so much. But how was he supposed to believe this?

"Fucking hell, Dean. Stop this nonsense. Just a few minutes ago you were annoyed that I had sex with a man and all the time since my confession you have been avoiding me. You were uncomfortable seeing me in my underwear or just a towel after a shower. You couldn't touch me, you. . . " Cas yelled desperately.

"I wasn't uncomfortable because you had sex with a man, damn it. I hated that you had sex with someone else. And I couldn't look at you when you were just in your underwear because it turned me on. Fuck, Cas, do you want to know what I did when I heard you and Balthazar?" Dean cried.

„Dean, I...“

„I jerked off and imagined that you would fuck _me_ and not him. Do you hear me, Cas? I wanted you to fuck me instead!“ Dean all but yelled and Jesus Christ, Cas would never get over this.

Dean wanted Cas to fuck him! Holy Christ!

But before he could react, Dean got up and touched Castiels cheeks. He looked at Cas so tenderly it almost hurt. 

"Please," he whispered, "you have to believe me Cas. I love you. I love you so much!" 

Then Dean kissed him and the world stopped spinning.


	6. Satisfied

One second they were arguing and Dean feared he might lose Cas and the next they were kissing. Dean stood up and grabbed Cas‘ T-shirt to pull him closer. Then he pressed their lips firmly together. 

And then as if he gave up fighting it, Cas opened his mouth to deepen the kiss with a loud moan. Hungrily, he pressed himself closer to Dean and Fuck! Cas was already as hard as Dean. 

With a deep groan, Dean deepened the kiss. 

When Cas started to grind against Deans groin, he gasped helplessly.

"Dean! You don't know what you're doing to me. " Cas‘ voice sounded husky and already debauched.

Dean loved it. He wanted to take Cas apart, he wanted the other man to moan his name. He wanted Cas to make those beautiful sounds only because of him and not because of Balthazar. He wanted Cas to be his.

„Fuck, Cas. I want you so much,“ he cried.

It was a miracle that he was still able to form a coherent sentence. Touching Cas felt like a firework was exploding inside of him. Even though this sounded like a cheap romance novel. But fuck, Dean was so turned on right now.

Then they started to rut against each other in earnest. Fuck, he would come in his pants if they didn’t stop. But there was no way Dean would be able to slow down at this point. His hands slipped under Cas‘ T-shirt, caressing his flat stomach and his chest.

Oh god! It felt so good to finally touch the other man. He wanted to feel every inch of Cas. He wanted the other man to take him. Jesus, how on earth was it possible that he didn’t realize how much he wanted Cas?

„Cas! Please…“ Dean begged.

„Tell me what you want, Dean. I’ll give you everything,“ Cas moaned while nibbling on Dean’s ear.

„You! I want you. Cas, please… I need you inside of me. Please,“ Dean whimpered.

He knew he should have been embarrassed because his voice sounded so incredibly needy, but he didn’t care.

Cas moaned and took a deep breath. 

"I am not fucking you in the kitchen. At least not this time," Cas stated.

Then he took Dean’s hand and dragged him to his bedroom.

"We‘re wearing way too many clothes. Why the fuck are we still wearing clothes?" Dean rasped when they arrived next to Cas‘ bed.

He never felt so impatient to get someone naked. Jesus, he had to calm down or he would embarrass himself. But it seemed as if Cas felt the same, so they both hastily slipped out of their T-shirts and pants. 

Dean had to swallow hard as he let his gaze wander over Cas‘ naked body. 

Fuck! 

He wanted the other man so much, he didn't even know where to start touching him. 

With trembling fingers, he caressed Cas firm chest down to his flat stomach and those incredible hips. Jesus those hip bones should be illegal. 

Cas shuddered underneath his touch.

Greedily, Cas drew him closer and kissed him hard. Dean‘s hands clung helplessly into Cas hair. 

Passionately, he returned the kiss and run his fingertips over the skin on Cas‘ back. Dean loved how smooth Cas‘ skin was. 

Goddammit! This felt so good and they were both so hard. Dean was about to explode and they hadn't even started yet!

Both of them were panting loud now. Cas dragged Dean onto the bed and quickly pulled the bottle of lube from the nightstand. 

„If you really want this, Dean, then I need to prepare you,“ Cas said and his eyes were nearly black.

Damn, the image of Cas' fingers inside of him was devastating. 

„Oh God, yes…“ Dean whined in anticipation. 

Then he spread his legs. It was a bit embarrassing to lie in front of his best friend exposed like this. For a short moment, Dean felt insecure. This was all so new to him. 

Fuck, Dean was no virgin but he never had gay sex. So Cas had much more experience. 

But when Cas took his cock in his hands and started to lick the precome from the head all these thoughts disappeared immediately. 

Jesus Christ!

Deans hips jerked up, so Cas had to hold them down as he took the head of Dean‘s cock into his mouth and sucked it hard.

Dean‘s head fell back on the mattress and a loud moan escaped his throat.

„Ahh… Castiel…Fuck“

The sensation was driving him absolutely wild. Dean knew he wouldn’t last if Cas didn’t stop. He looked at the other man who was kneeling next to him on the bed, his face was flushed, his eyelids heavy, and his breaths came unevenly... 

The sight was breathtaking. Cas was so damn beautiful. 

“Dean,” Cas groaned and fucking hell, the other man sounded as wrecked as Dean felt.

“Cas…, if you don’t stop this will be over soon…Fuck, Cas…” Dean groaned arching his back at the sensation of Cas‘ lips around his cock.

Dean let go of Cas cock and started to lick between his butt cheeks. He spread them with relish and drove his tongue around the rim of the hole. Oh, God, this would be his end. There was a rush in his ears, his heart was beating so fast.

"Cas, please. . . I need. . . Ahh. . . " Den knew he was babbling now but he couldn’t care less.

No one ever had made him feel like this, like he was about to lose control. The memory of sex with all the girls in Dean’s life was nothing in comparison to this. How could he have been so blind for so long?

”Is this okay?“ Cas asked. 

“Oh yes…fuck, please, I need…” Dean gasped nearly out of his mind.

„Shh… I’ve got you,“ Cas whispered.

Then Dean heard the soft click of the lube bottle and only a few seconds later he felt one of Castiels fingers playing around his hole. Carefully, Cas pushed the finger inside. The sensation was a little bit odd at first, but it got better and better when he pushed it in and out. 

When Cas thrust a second finger inside, Dean was already squirming. Then Cas found the special point inside of Dean that had him see stars. 

“Jesus Christ, Cas. Do that again,” Dean demanded breathlessly and Cass chuckled.

It wasn’t long before Cas added a third finger and the sensation was nearly overwhelming.

"Cas, please … get inside of me…" Dean begged.

This time Cas didn’t tease him. He grabbed the lube bottle and coated a big amount of the oily liquid on his cock. Then he lined up his cock and slowly started to push in. 

Dean gasped.

“Tell me if I am hurting you, Dean” Cas demanded.

Dean could only nod. He was too focused on the burning strange feeling. It hurt but somehow it was good as well. The thought that Cas was really inside of him nearly made him shoot his load, though. Fuck, Cas was inside of him!

When he finally bottomed out he let out a shaky breath. 

Dean started to get impatient after a few seconds.

“Move…” he requested.

„Fuck, Dean. I am not sure I will last. I wanted you for so long… I…“ Cas whined and it was clear that he was as overwhelmed as Dean was.

“Oh God, Cas… move!” Dean pleaded and Cas started to thrust into him. 

It was obvious that they both were close already.

Cas tried to go slow first, but soon Dean wanted more.

“Ahh…Cas, harder…!” Dean demanded.

With a loud moan, Cas obeyed, he pinned Dean down and rocked into him harshly.

“Fuck, Dean” Cas groaned helplessly. “Look at you. You are so beautiful. I’ve wanted you for so long…”

Fuck, this was so intense. Dean knew after this he would be ruined for anybody else. Not that it mattered because he planned on being with Cas for the rest of his life.

„I love you… God, Dean, I love you so much,“ Cas whispered.

And this was it.. this was all it took for Dean to fall over the edge.

His back was arching from the mattress, his inner walls were clenching and clearly, there wasn’t enough breath in his lungs and his brain. He was crying Cas name again and again and Jesus fucking Christ! This was so intense!

At some point, he realized that Cas came too but Dean was too focused on all the emotions that were rushing through him with full force. 

„I love you too. Cas. I love you,“ he sobbed while Cas was coming inside of him.

  


Afterwards, Dean was lying on top of Cas, his nose buried in the other man‘s neck. Cas fingers were brushing tenderly through Dean’s hair. They didn’t speak for a long time. Then Cas kissed his forehead and cleared his throat.

„You… you are sure this isn’t just some big gay experiment for you, aren’t you Dean?“ Cas asked his voice sounding insecure.

Dean lifted his head and looked into Cas eyes. 

„Believe me Cas. I was never so sure about anything in my life. I know it took me almost too long but now that I know what I want, I plan on keeping it,“ Dean reassured the other man. 

The smile that spread across Cas‘ face was blinding. 

„Good,“ Cas replied satisfied. „Because I am not planning on letting you go. Even if I sound like Annie Wilkes from Misery.“

Dean laughed out loud. This was such a Cas thing to say. Cas and his terrible obsession with Stephen King movies. 

„I can keep my feet, can’t I?“ Dean asked jokingly.

„Of course, love. Every part of your body is much too beautiful to harm it,“ Cas replied cockily.

„Is that so?“ Dean asked and couldn’t resist kissing his wonderful boyfriend.

Boyfriend - he loved the sound of that.

„You know you are not so hard on the eyes yourself,“ Dean mumbled happily.

"Good to know you find me at least a bit attractive," Cas said.

"A little bit," Dean giggled.

Oh God, he was twelve again. He felt like a little schoolboy with his first crush.

  


***

  


"Oh God, I can't believe you finally got your head out of your ass, Dean. We both know Cas deserves something better than you but for some reason he only wants you," Meg said and took a sip from her beer.

"I know I don't deserve him, Meg. But I am not stupid enough to tell him that he could do so much better and I would be very grateful if you wouldn't tell him either," Dean replied watching Cas from afar. 

They were out with their friends and Cas was talking to Charly at the bar while Dean was at their table with Meg, Sam and Benny.

"God, you have it bad, haven't you? This is disgustingly sweet and so cheesy," Meg stated dryly.

"I know but there is nothing I can or want to do against it. I found the person I want to spend the rest of my life with," Dean replied not letting Cas out of his sight.

Meg made a choking sound.

"Jesus, this is disgusting. You are such a sap. If I had known the whole story would end like that, I never would have spilled the tea," she said shaking her head.

Dean laughed. 

"We both know that this is a lie. You love Cas and you would have tried to help him cause even if this is cheesy as hell, you want him to be happy," Dean argued.

"Sadly you are right, Winchester. So don't mess it up or I will end you," Meg threatened. 

"I won't," Dean promised knowing it was true. 

He would do anything to make Cas happy. 

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that's it. Thank you so much for sticking with me for so long. You are amazing!


End file.
